1. Don’t hide your moneybelt in your laundry bag. If you’re forgetful like me, you might give it to the laundromat and get stuck in Thailand for 3 weeks while you’re sorting out a new passport. If you’re not forgetful like me, don’t do it anyways – that’s just a bad idea.

2. Slow the f#$k down! I can thank Savic for this priceless advice! If someone is rushing you or overly eager to “help” with something, they’re probably trying to rip you off.  I had enough sense to ask an eager saleslady what the difference was between her bus ticket and the chilled out salesperson’s beside her. She said, “same price”. So I pondered for a few seconds, looked around and noticed there were different types of buses outside. I asked “same bus?” I avoided the crowded little minivan and instead had an air-conditioned, massaging-seat VIP double-decker coach. When I got off the comfy bus at 5am I had to chase a taxi driver through a crowded terminal in Bangkok because he picked up my bag and ushered me to follow him. He kept asking “where you going?” and I kept saying “Stop, I don’t need a taxi”, to which he replied “where you going?” and kept walking. He was certain wherever I was going he would take me. After he put my bag in the trunk of the taxi I asked how much to the Canadian Embassy? “400 Baht.” I took my bag out of the trunk and walked back where I came from, then sat for 5 minutes and read my map. I then took the clean, air-conditioned subway to my destination for 40 Baht.

3. If you know a ladyboy is a ladyboy, pretend you don’t know. I got my ass kicked by a ladyboy…

4. Happy hour exists because when it rains, it pours. Literally. Every time. When in Singapore, take cover in the closest bar and order a drink to pass the time. Rain time = happy hour.

5. If you need something soon, act like you need it ASAP. If you need something ASAP, make other plans.